REBUILDING: LIFE OF LONELINESS

This blog post will not apply to most people, but if you are like me, I can identify.

For the most part, I have not been the most social person on Earth for most of my adult life.  I have always been very careful about who I let into my world of awesomeness due to trust issues, and because of that, I never learned the social skills that most people learn as they grow up.

"BeastWalk" on day 81.  The early stages can be the toughest.

As mentioned in a previous rebuilding post, my world was rocked in a negative way in December 2013 as one of the few people I allowed into my world and trusted for many years turned out to be not-so-cool.  As a result of what I called, "The Tuesday Incident", I went from only trusting this person to trusting no one at all.  The "Tuesday Incident" is also what ultimately planted the seeds for my rebuilding process.

Everything that I would do in the early stages, I did on my own.  Working out in my living room, going for "Beastwalks", I did it all alone.  Just me and whatever songs I felt like listening to on my iPod at the time.

As I started to see and feel results, my confidence grew.  I would no longer look down when walking passed a stranger on the street.  And as my confidence grew, so did my desire to form some kind of social circle.  The social circle building deal can be told in an entirely different set of posts but they would have nothing to do with cooking or rebuilding.  To make a long story short, after two years, I have no social circle.

Day 91.  I had the day off and my head had been in a bad place for a few days, so I got up and went on a
3+ hour BeastWalk to clear it.

After about a year-and-a-half of trying and being unsuccessful, I stopped trying to form a social circle.  There are a few reasons, but I will just stick with one.  While my lifestyle was changing and becoming more active, the people I was trying to build this social circle with were still the same.  I will be the first to admit that it is hard to get started and very easy to become discouraged.  So while I was trying to maintain an active lifestyle and include "friends", their lifestyle was, and still is more along the lines of, "I don't feel like doing anything."

I know that feeling all too well.  Unfortunately since I've become more active, I find it extremely hard to not do anything.  My days of sitting at home on days off, playing video games and watching moves for hours are long gone.  And due to my lack of social skills, it is not so easy for me to go out and meet new people, although I tried and the way I went about it was a HUGE mistake (AVOID DATING WEBSITES, GENTLEMEN!  THEY ARE A WASTE OF TIME AND LIFE!).  I joined online meet up sites like MeetUp.com.  Unfortunately, a lot of the "socializing" in those groups require paying money.  That, too, is another story.  Let me just say that I will no longer pay money to hangout with people.

Day 99.  The Ultimate Warrior had just passed away and I went down
to the site of Wrestlemania 6 which I attended in 1990 to do a tribute.

In the end, I had to come to terms with the fact that the rebuilding process can be a lonely journey.  You can find out who your true friends are and who they aren't.  It takes its toll on your head and can make you feel very depressed at times.  I have found that the best action to get rid of those feelings of depression are to use them as fuel to up the intensity of my workouts.  It works, but the feelings still come back.  Not as often as they did in the beginning, but they come back.  Rebuilding can not only be challenging on your body, but on your mind, too.

It is an emotional roller coaster.  In the beginning, there can be a lot of anger as you try to find people to join you and they either don't due to them not being up to it, or they will agree and then cancel on you at the last minute with excuse after excuse.  As a result, you get angry and eventually depressed, then angry again.  These are the times when you want to bust out the weights or put your shoes on and go for a walk.

Day 418.  Head doing a lot better.  Still get a bit down every now and
then, but Sally is more than enough for Chef Nairby!

My rebuilding came down to this:  In the beginning, the reason for getting in shape was to get the approval and admiration of others.  But as time went on, it became about being happy with myself and not caring so much about the opinions of others.  Once I got to that stage, life did not feel so lonely anymore, although I will still go through periods of depression and loneliness.  But it is nowhere near as bad as it was in the beginning.

You just need to remember that rebuilding and sticking to it puts you at a higher level than most people.  It is not that there is something wrong with YOU, it is that you are asking too much of THEM.  The things that you used to do are too boring to keep doing, but your friends are still stuck in that bubble.  Rebuilding is about fixing YOURSELF.  Fixing yourself means spending a lot of time alone.  It's just the way it is.

Chef Nairby

REBUILDING: BECOME ARROGANT

As I discussed in my last 'Rebuilding' post, most people get very easily discouraged when starting a new healthy lifestyle journey.  They go into that first workout with guns blazing, believing in their heads that they are physically stronger than they really are.  They spend only a fraction of the time working out on day one that they had intended to because their body was not prepared, they start feeling that burn right away and wake up the next morning feeling in more pain than they were in when they went to bed the previous night.  And that is just half of the lifestyle.  There is also the part about eating healthier.  And with being in that much pain, the last thing we want to do is scarf down a bowl of salad and some fruit.  Junk food, afterall, is called 'comfort food' for a reason.  because it knocks you out.

Physical pain after a workout can have the same effects as emotional pain.  A lot of us will just want to eat it away with junk.  We do that and then for most of us, there is no day two of working out.  No day three, four and so on.

It was taking shape rather nicely!

So how do we stay motivated to continue?

I was in crazy pain when I woke up on day two.  The ten minutes of extremely basic yoga the day before took its toll.  I didn't feel like doing it again, but I did.  This time, I lasted a little less than ten minutes, but I told myself that less than ten minutes is better than no minutes at all.  Within a week of doing ten minutes of yoga a day, I was quickly feeling less and less pain as my body was waking up.  The first stage of rebuilding is basically a lengthy warm up.  Much like we do before a workout, if your body had been inactive for so many years, as mine was, I needed to spend a few weeks warming up and getting my body prepared for what was to come down the line.

The early stages are when the weight comes off at a quick pace, I found.  I had a lot of fat to lose and it was coming off rapidly.  My clothes were getting looser to the point where I had to manually put new holes in my belt.  The new holes were a confidence booster as they were proof that what I was doing was working.  And it was just over one month into my rebuilding process when I started doing the inevitable.  I started taking selfies and posting them online.

Day 100 of rebuilding.  They poked fun at my selfie lifestyle but now I have archival content.  Bwahahah!

Shedding pounds meant buying new clothes.  New clothes meant more selfies.  I posted a new selfie three or four times a week to not only show people my progress, but to get that positive feedback that would encourage me to keep going, and honestly, to boost my ego!

The more selfies I posted, the more positive feedback I got, the harder I worked and the more inflated my ego became.  When I would go on "Beastwalks" to my local mall and wander around for an hour or so like retired people do, I kept my head up and didn't quickly look away when my eyes caught somebody else’s.  I started a new little game against people on the street where the first one to break eye contact loses, and I won every time.  I was the MAN!

Day 188

After 100 days of sticking to the new lifestyle, I started taking post-workout selfies and posting them online.  Wearing a sweaty t-shirt, looking in my bathroom mirror, and posted them online with whatever day it was of my rebuilding phase and an inspirational or motivational quote I found or came up with.  And I did this pretty much every day!

It didn't matter to me that there really was no noticeable difference in the pictures from one day to the next, I just did it anyway.  I felt that I had every right to.  There is nothing wrong with showing off your accomplishments, especially when it comes to getting in shape.  You not only prove your doubters wrong, but you show others that it is possible and in my case, simple.

You can’t be worried about what strangers might think if you check yourself out in every reflection you come across.  Who cares if it comes off as arrogant and egotistical?  It is also motivation and a reminder of how far you have come and how much further you can go.  So don’t be afraid to not only check yourself out as often as you can or want, but throw yourself a little wink and maybe even a thumbs up!

When I do my UFC cardio, I do five minute rounds with a one minute rest period in between each round.  During the rest periods, I take a drink of water, walk over to my full length mirror and admire the awesomeness!  Flex a little.  Sometimes give myself a thumbs up and a, “yeah, baby!”  I’ve earned it.  I have not only proven doubters wrong but myself as well.

When I do my weights workouts, I take a one minutes rest in between sets, walk over to that full length mirror and pose a little.  Maybe a bicep flex and some pectoral flexes, too!  I have every right to.  There is nothing wrong with it.  You hear people say all the time, “you should be proud!”  I am.  Don’t tell me that I should be proud of myself and then cop an attitude when I get a little full of myself.  I have every right to be and so do you.

January 18, 2016.  Day 747!

Don’t tell ME that YOU can’t do it!

Chef Nairby

REBUILDING: BECOME HARDCORE

A common mistake that people make when starting a workout routine is that they go in unprepared.  Most of us want to believe that we are physically stronger than we really are.

I have always been tall, big boned and looked like someone with brute strength.  And I believed it despite getting constant back and leg pain from just walking.  Walking up two flights of stairs would leave me heavily winded, but I still believed I had super human strength because I looked like I did.  I fit the big & tall label perfectly.

June, 2010.  Flirting with that 300 pound mark.

I was physically strong, but only in short bursts, and despite that, I was still convinced that after years of inactivity, I could walk into any gym tomorrow and go hardcore for at least an hour.

This is just the mindset that I as a physically strong looking person had, and it is the same with a lot of people of all body types.  One of the most common New Years resolutions people make is that on January 1st or 2nd, they are going to go to their local gym or health club, get a membership and make new health changes for their life.  That, "New year, new me" meme that millions of people post on their Facebook and Twitter timelines on December 31st.

For a lot of people, the "New year, new me" deal ends up being nothing more than a spur of the moment thing.  They see others talking about it, it gives them a sudden burst of inspiration and they hop on the bandwagon.  And that's where it ends.  A post or a Tweet, followed by a few 'like' clicks and comments of encouragement from friends of family.  The end.

Screencap from a 2011 Facebook video.  Size 3XL shirt.  Close to being at my physical worst.

For those who actually stick to their word and do go seeking out a gym membership, they go in ready to go, all guns blazing.  Ready to tear it up.  They do some pre-workout stretches as their favorite pulse-pounding songs play on their iPods.  They grab a 30 pound dumb bell and do 10 reps.

Whoa!

"Let me sit here for an extended rest period, and when it looks like nobody is looking, I'll just casually walk over to that rowing machine over there."

Position yourself on the rowing machine.  Set a moderate difficulty level and a time of 30 minutes.  Countdown.....3-2-1, GO!

What the f***?!

"Let me rest for a second, and when it looks like nobody is looking, I'll just casually walk over to one of the available treadmills over there."

Get on the treadmill.  Set a moderate difficulty level and a time of 30 minutes.  Countdown......3-2-1, GO!  Your arms are still a bit sore from 10 reps on 30 pound dumb bells.  Your back feels a little stiff from the rowing machine.  And now your legs are starting to feel sore.  You look at your watch.  You are barely 15 minutes into your workout!

You lower the difficulty level on the treadmill.  Go for another 5 minutes.  Step off the treadmill.  Walk back the the change room in pain.  Too sore to shower, so you change back into your regular clothes, go home and collapse on the couch.  Then what happens?  The next morning, you wake up in more pain than you went to bed with.  As a result, you don't go back to the gym again.  Luckily it was just a 30-day free trial membership with no commitment.

Congratulations!  You've been brought back down to Earth!

February 20, 2014.  Day 50 of rebuilding.

You went in completely full of yourself and you gave up.  You went in trying to run when you didn't even know how to walk.

NEWSFLASH!  Michael Jordan did not come out of the womb with the ability to dunk a basketball.  Wayne Gretzky did not come out of the womb already knowing how to skate.  They became great by starting with nothing but a will to succeed.  And they started with the very basics.  They had to learn to crawl before they walked.  And it is the same with starting a new workout and diet plan.

If you want to be successful at making positive healthy changes in your life but have no prior experience, odds are you will NOT be able to go an hour at the gym, and you will NOT stick to a strict diet by practically starving yourself on day one.  Your head might be ready, but your body isn't.

You need to start from scratch.  And that means doing what you thought would be too easy and beneath you.  It means not seeing quick results.  The beginning stages of a new workout and diet routine is a lengthy warm up process, much like how we stretch before starting a workout.

October 7, 2014.  Day 279 of rebuilding.

The beginning stage is not about SEEING results quick, it's about FEELING them.  I started my rebuilding process with nothing more than 10 minutes of very basic yoga poses a day and eating more fruits and vegetables and less junk.  I still ate some junk in the beginning but less of it.  After day one, I was in pain.  The next day, I woke up in more pain.  My body had been inactive for so long that it was in a state of shock.  But as time went on, my body quickly got used to the activity.  My 10 minutes of basic yoga a day turned into 20.  My intake of junk became less and less.  As I felt my body waking up, my energy started going up.  I traded sitting on my couch watching movies and playing video games for going out and walking.

After three months, my basic yoga had gone from 10 minutes a day to 30 as I was able to hold poses longer and would add new ones.  I was feeling and seeing results and working out was quickly becoming something I felt like I HAD to do, to something I WANTED to do.  Eventually, I went out and bought two 25 pound dumbbells and started a weight training routine.  Shortly after that, I added a cardio routine by doing Tae-Bo style punch and kick workouts while I put a UFC DVD on.

I now alternate cardio and weights.  Cardio one day, weights the next.  And while I do have a gym membership, I do most of my "beasting" in my living room.  My gym equipment consists simply of a yoga mat, two 25 pound dumb bells and a pair of MMA gloves.  Everything else comes from inside which was locked away for many years and had to be woken up and charged.

Home "home gym".  Simple as this.  Yoga mat, two 25lb dumbbells and MMA gloves.
(The gloves are for when I get energized and bang my fists together.  It happens.)

You need to crawl before you walk.  Walk before you run, and run before you sprint.  You don't start hardcore, you BECOME hardcore.  You ARE as strong as you think you are, but you need to give your body a chance to catch up with your thoughts.  And every minute counts.  If you are only able to go a few minutes during the beginning stages, a few minutes is better than no minutes as you are at least keeping your body active.  BECOME HARDCORE!

December 18, 2015.  Day 716 of rebuilding and still going strong.

Don't tell ME that YOU can't do it!

Chef Nairby

Rebuilding: Wake Your Body And Your Taste Buds

This is the first in a series of stories about how I have been rebuilding my life.

I spent the majority of my life being overweight and in terrible physical shape.  I would live in constant physical pain.  I would spend my day at work sitting and doing very little and then go home, sit and do nothing.

At one point, I was in such bad shape that I weighed well over 300 pounds.  I don't know exactly how much over since my scale only went up to 300.

At a family BBQ in 2009.  This isn't even me at my worst which was to come.

I didn't care about anything.  I was content with just living through the constant back and knee pain.  I bought sized 3XL shirts and hated the way I looked.  I looked like a huge freaking bell.  Many times, I would tell myself, "that's it!  Starting tomorrow, it's time to start getting in shape!"  That was usually while I was on my way to work and then the motivation would completely disappear at the end of the day.

My diet consisted of crap.  Junk.  Because it was cheap and made me feel relaxed at the end of, what I thought was a tough day.  But seriously, what is so physically hard about a job where you literally sit on your butt all day?

My awful diet, if you can even call it that, got so out of hand that when I was at my absolute worst, I would order a pizza meal for dinner that was supposed to feed a family of four.  And I would order this thing at least twice a week since I had a pizza place that was a quick 2 minute walk away from me.

Twice a week!  A large pizza with 3 toppings, 10 fried chicken nuggets, two dipping sauces and 4 cans of soda.  TWICE A WEEK!  Add that to the crap I was eating on the other days.  Burgers, triple-decker sandwiches, chocolate bars, doughnuts....pure garbage!  That was my life for so long.

Then in December 2013, something happened in my life that completely made me hit rock bottom.  One of those situations where you realize who your true friends are, and in this case, are NOT.  Only days after this went down, we got hit with an ice storm here in Toronto that took out the power of a lot of residents, myself included.

I was in a very bad place.  And now I had no electricity which the city was saying could take up to a week to restore.  To make things worse, My annual holidays started at the same time.  So it was me in the dark with nothing to do but think.  And with where my head was at, it was a very rough situation.

(May, 2014) Day 50 of my rebuilding process.

I had to get out of the house, so I walked to my local mall to see if there was anything going on there.  There was electricity but very little.  Most of the stores were closed but there were people EVERYWHERE.  And it was one of the most depressing sights I had ever seen.  Hordes of people lined up at every electrical outlet available to the public.  People camped out to charge their devices so they could watch movies and shows on their iPads, iPods and laptops.  Most of these people were in fine shape and there they were throwing their lives away.  Slaves to technology.  I found a place to sit in the mall and fought tears as I could not believe what I was seeing.  I left the mall and walked back home.

My power was restored after two days and my head was a complete mess.  I spent Christmas with family and it did very little to help.  I spent New Years alone.  Then on January 2nd, 2014, still feeling depressed and with another week or so left in my holidays, I said, "screw it!"  I grabbed a yoga mat that I had bought 5 months earlier and started my rebuilding process.

Day 274.  October 2nd, 2014

I laid the yoga mat out on my living room floor, and for the next 10 minutes, I did the most basic yoga poses you can think of while I put 'The Soprano's' on via DVD.  Ten minutes was all I was able to do.  The next day, I was in crazy pain.  My body had been in a coma for so long that it was just waking up.  Despite the pain, I did another ten minutes of basic yoga and watched more 'Soprano's'.

The pain quickly went away as I kept at it.  My body was waking up.  But this journey meant more than just working on my body.  It meant changing what I eat.  I completely dropped the pizza and junk and took advantage of the supermarket across the street and canvassed the fresh produce section on a daily basis.  I came to realize that not only was my body asleep for years, so were my taste buds.

The junk I was eating on a daily basis killed my sense of taste.  When I took that first taste of a fresh clementine, the flavors exploded in my mouth!  And I wanted more!  As time went on and I became more disciplined with my eating habits, I was getting hungry less, and therefore, SPENDING less on food.

When we consume garbage food, it does nothing good for our body because it contains ingredients the body does not use.  Thus, we eliminate it through our poops (that's right!  I said poops!) and become hungry again sooner.  The ingredients in the garbage foods, like sugar, that our body keeps gets turned into fat.  Eating garbage food is cheap because it does very little to satisfy our hunger, therefore we end up buying more and more of it.  Meanwhile, eating healthier foods means more ingredients, vitamins and minerals that our body uses to keep our energy up.  And as our body gets stronger, we end up craving food a lot less and end up spending less on food as a result.  So in the long run, healthy food is actually CHEAPER than junk.  And that is why healthy food is more expensive then junk.

November 4, 2014 (and still going strong!)

Healthy food is more expensive because it is an investment in your health that pays off very quickly.  Junk is simply a temporary solution to fulfill a craving.  I'm not saying that we should all become vegetables or starve ourselves.  I will eat some guilty pleasures every now and then because I know that I will work it off.  The key is that I needed to wake my body up after depriving it for so long.  I built up my metabolism by eating better in the beginning, and once I knew that I had the discipline to work the junk off, I knew it was safe to indulge every once in a while.  But after waking up my taste buds to the awesomeness of healthier foods, a lot of the time I will pass up the junk.  Not because it's junk, but because the good stuff just tastes better.

It is now February 3rd, 2016.  Day 763 of rebuilding.  Working out every day, not because I feel like I have to, but because it has become a regular part of my life.  The first step was waking up my body and taste buds and to not get discouraged at the pain in the beginning.  What should you expect from the first few workouts after a life of immobility?  This pain is what ends up discouraging most people from continuing.  But it goes away quickly.

I was in terrible shape.  Got no exercise.  Weighed well over 300 pounds.  Now I am in the best shape of my life.  Workout every day.  Weigh 240 pounds, last time I checked, building muscle and still going.

There is something that I like to say that I will stick to until I'm dead in the face....Don't tell ME that YOU can't do it!

The first step is to wake up your body and your taste buds.  Start investing in your health.  It's worth it.

Chef Nairby